I don’t think that there is a person on this planet that hasn’t suffered at some point with feeling low, depressed, isolated or just generally overwhelmed by life, I know this because I speak to these people in the clinic daily or on the phone or on Skype, from all around the country. There are people out there everywhere just trying to cope and there are far more of them then you may realise.
I often have patients ask me when they first meet me ‘have you always been this calm and so together?’ I’m an honest person and so I give them an honest answer. No, I reply, smile at them and gently laugh.
My life has been a struggle, partly due to my own actions, but mostly due to others and by the very people who were meant to love me unconditionally, either way, my life has not been a bag of fun or perfect and I definitely have not always been a calm person and there are times when I still struggle occasionally even now, because I’m human.
The truth is, I could very easily go down that very dark depressive hole because I have little family except for my two lovely boys. My 26-year-old son who lives in London, I barely see because I live in Northern Ireland at this moment in time and my 15-year-old who lives with me currently, who will at some point leave as all children do eventually sadly.
I don’t have a husband or a partner, but I do have ex cheating partners who nearly destroyed me, one of which I suffered from domestic violence. My mother is dead, though she didn’t bring me up, but rather abandoned me when I was a baby in an empty house to starve to death until social services found me. My father never wanted me and allowed my step mother to abuse me for years and made very little effort if any to protect me, but much preferred sinking his head in a bottle of whisky most days. I was beaten black and blue with a horse crop as a child, suffocated, regularly punched, mentally abuse and belittled by my step mother, neglected and Sexually assaulted as a teenager. My father still to this day feels nothing for me accept contempt and In his own words feels that I should never have been born because I ruined his life.
I ended up in the care system without anyone to truly love me. I didn’t have an education because I was sent to a boarding school that failed to notice that I was dyslexic and so they allowed me to do nothing in the lessons but entertain myself. I could barely read or write till I was much older and I left school without any qualifications, other than a GCSE in art because I was told that exams were ‘beyond me’ and so I was given no choice at the time. I gained my qualifications much later in life.
I came out of the care system and effectively made homeless having to stand on my own two feet without any family to turn to or help me at the time and sunk deeper and deeper in debt just trying to cope.
I could go on here because a person’s life is a very deep ocean and as I got older I just seemed to bounce from one disaster to another, and some were catastrophic disasters, but as I often say to my clients who contact me for help, 'unless I actually have a time machine there is nothing that I can do about any of that stuff in the past'.
That above statement makes me sound like I'm some kind of guru and like the past has shaped me and made me a better person, but believe me when I tell you that I don’t feel that way at all about any of it, in fact I feel that it was all so unnecessary and the past still haunts me and hurts me deeply at times, it probably always will, and yes I’ve suffered a huge amount of depression in the past and I even suffered a break down, how could I not? and that statement that I so often get from people who know me ‘well the past has made you who you are’ isn’t helpful for me or anyone else out there, because I would much rather have not gone through any of it and just had an easier life, as anyone who has suffered that level of abuse would tell you.
The fact is I suffered and my life became the residual effect of all that abuse and neglect that was handed out to me, but I also know that the day that I found Homeopathy was the day that I started to recover and I continue too to this very day. I am not always calm and I do have my wobbles, but I've found something that works for me as have others.
Homeopathy won't wave a magic wand over the past or even the present, I'll always be dyslexic and if I ever get my book published then the poor editor whoever they will be will absolutely have their work cut out for them to say the least, I'll always have a past that was painful that occasionally rears it's ugly head and that wont change, but what I do know is that homeopathy helped me with the panic attacks I was having, it helped me to calm down and sleep better when I took Kali-Phos, I felt less anger when I was pre-menstrual if I took sepia and pulsatilla, the depression lifted and slowly faded away as well as my utter disgust and contempt for life when I took Aurum-met and the fatigue that I experienced after feeling so low, mentally exhausted and desperate was helped by Gelsemium.
I’m not a guru or some super human being who has been able to find inner piece and joy after walking the golden path of enlightenment and the long painful road, but what I am is someone who suffered and was trying to just cope with the pain and Homeopathy found me at the right time and enabled me to deal with things much better. Homeopathy slowly peeled off the layers of the past and started to reveal the real me without the wounds, so that I could start to see more clearly.
So many times I’ve seen slogans out there saying that ‘you are not alone, you are loved, you don’t need to cope alone, find inner piece and joy’ and bla bla bla, but you know what? some of us really are alone and we have to find a way to cope with those feelings of loneliness and isolation every day that bring up feelings of fear, anger, frustration, bitterness and depression and feelings of wanting to just give up and for me Homeopathy saved me and continues too on a daily basis. that little white pill has never stopped amazing me and showing me just how powerful it can really be.
I’m here to help, to be of service to others, to assist in any way that I can, to lessen the pain, to help heal the wound, not because of my past, but despite my past,